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Something else entirely

February 23, 2015 by daisies

I went into the weekend thinking something was wrong.  I was feeling sick. I had no energy. It was hard for me to wake up in the morning. I had no appetite.  I had missed a period or two. I had a weird cold for the past couple of weeks. I figured with all these problems, it was probably a good idea to get into the new year  with a new family doctor.  I haven’t visited mine in years. I only visited a walk-in clinic once last year to follow up on a sore throat.

I kind of thought it was serious. Like, cancer serious. John said it was probably stress. I thought hard about life and prepared for the worst.

I was going to do this right. I had benefits and a drug plan. I made the appointment at a clinic to see one of their new doctors for a meet-and-greet.  I renewed my two-year-expired Ontario health card, finally. Saturday morning, I got up and walked to the clinic (it was nice to be able to just walk there instead of plan a two hour trip all the way out to Mississauga).

I met the doctor. He seemed like a nice guy, very laid back about everything.  He didn’t seem to be worried about any of the concerns I mentioned, but he did bring up my missed periods.  He asked me if I thought I might be pregnant. I told him in all sincerity that I doubted that I was.  He told me we’ll do a test just to eliminate that possibility before going into other possibilities. It did make sense, it was the obvious possibility.

So I did the test. I peed into a cup, which I hate doing. I  filled the cup maybe about a quarter, thinking that that wasn’t enough.

The nurse asked me to wait a few, which confused me. I thought they’d do the test and call.

My Blackberry somehow reset. I wanted to spend that time texting John about what was going on, expecting I’ll be home soon and we’ll have a laugh about the pregnancy test. The nurse called me back to the doctor’s office.

He said the test was positive. “Positive for what”. “You’re pregnant.” “I’m pregnant?” “You really weren’t expecting this.”

I’m still doubting this whole thing happened. If it weren’t for the prescription for prenatal vitamins sitting in front of me right now, I’d think I imagined the whole sequence.

Now, about 36 hours after the fact, it is making sense. I never got nauseous. I know I gained weight. According to my office scale, I’m at 150lbs.  My tummy’s been getting bigger. I’ve had very low energy and no appetite. I never felt the barfy kind of morning sickness, but my sister told me she never experienced any either.

The word of that day was “unprepared.” This wasn’t planned, or expected. But very much wanted. As I told the doctor as he went over my options, I told him I wanted to do this as healthily as possible right from the start. But I didn’t know what to do next.

Me and John have an appointment with him for this coming Thursday. We’ve been talking all weekend. John says he’s on my side on this, which was so comforting. There is so much to talk about, and so much I wanted to say, which is why I’m starting this blog.  If this pregnancy makes it, at least I’ll have it in writing.





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